August 31, 2012
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I'm Heartbroken
I have cried many, many tears in the night (and day for that matter). Can you guess why?
On a good note, though, I will probably be able to meet April Jo!
My kids and grandbabies are supposed to move next Friday. Andrew has accepted a position in another county that is an hour and a half away (if you are driving fast). They now live around five minutes away. With all the other stress in my life, this feels unbearable. Andrew is living out of a hotel while Nikki is by herself with a newborn and toddler. She has done an awesome, amazing job. Andrew left the week before Mason was born. He was able to be home three days when he was born and then had to go back. Nikki came home from the hospital (after a c-section) and stayed that night and every night since by herself with the babies (well, they are both babies to me). She is packing up the house too.
Sometimes at night when I go to bed, I feel like I need to be up pacing the floors. I am praying for them and everything constantly. I know I am all gloomy and sad, but I do thank God it is not farther away. Andrew and I had a good laugh the other night when I told him I was the only one sad. But really, Martha's family is devastated. Nikki is happy and sad. She is leaving her mom when her mom is having health problems. It is going to be a lot harder for her than Andrew, of course. Haley loves her home now, so I hope she can adjust easily. Mason will be fine as long as his mommy is right there.
As for me, I am already falling apart. lol Mark is happy for Andrew, but I tell Andrew (he hates hearing it so much I know), if he is not doing right and being the husband and father he needs to be, it means nothing to me. It is a blessing for him to be able to provide for his family and Nikki be home with the kids, but it will not be a blessing if Andrew does not uphold his responsibilities as a dad and husband. Wednesday I stayed with the babies so Nikki could go help Andrew find a place for them to live. Nikki was so upset to be leaving Mason so little (not even three weeks old). I love that she wants to be with her kids!! Anyway, I got to spend some wonderful time with my grandbabies. Haley loves Mason, and she loves being able to use some of his stuff.
She looks like such a big girl now. I gave her a bath and had to quickly run back and forth from the bedroom checking on Mason.
She is my little sweetheart!!!
Mason is the best baby I have ever seen in my life!! He is such a darling! I layed beside him as he and Haley took a nap and probably took 15 pictures of him on my phone. It is so precious to see his different expressions as he sleeps.
Ahhh, I am so in love with this little guy!! He has already captured our hearts!!! God has greatly and wonderfully blessed us with wonderful grandkids.
When Nikki got home that evening, I told her I had great respect for her after keeping the babies all day. I don't know how she does it day after day. I was totally exhausted but it was worth every minute!!
Please keep us in your prayers.
Comments (5)
It just breaks my heart when I think of all the "disheartening" things that seem to be swallowing your heart up!! I just want to give you the biggest and longest hug you've ever gotten!!!!
Remember:
God is by your side. He will comfort you. Tears help you heal. Look for small blessings. Do something that comforts your heart. Read and memorize Psalms 73:26 ~ God is your sustainer! ( I looked those up in trying to say something that could encourage. Then there is this: )
Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of the earth, overlying our hard hearts. Charles Dickens
The tearful praying Christian, whose distress prevents his words, will be clearly understood by the Most High. Charles Spurgeon ( love that one )
Those grand-babies are beautiful. Seeing her in the bouncy seat makes her look so BIG!!! Nikki is doing a wonderful job
. WONDERFUL JOB!
I would have already been so overwhelmed!!!!!
Lots of love!
Oh my dear friend, I know how hard it is to no longer be a part of your grandchildrens lives on a daily basis. We saw Josh's girls every day and then we moved 3 hr. away and breaks my heart every day. We did it to help out Susan but in turn it has caused hard feelings between us and Josh's wife. Josh and Jackie have done well by the girls and are making them a fine home. Jackie is not only a SAHM but she homeschools the girls as well. Susan needed someone to care for Matthew while she worked........I wanted it to be me rather than some daycare center. Anyway, although it is hard, it does make time you do get to spend with them so much more special. I pray things come together quickly for you. Andrew, Nikki, Haley and Mason need to be together to be a family. It is hard to be proud of them while your heart is breaking, I know.
@victoriantomboy - Oh, I really need that hug. Maybe I will get it in person.
Your words are so very encouraging. I will definately read Psalms 73:26 and try to memorize it. I have such a battle within myself because the devil tries to tell me all the time how God is mad at me or doesn't care for me. I know it is the devil but, all these hard things have happened. Things I can't even put on here. I have been praying God, please give me some peaceful days. And really, my strength comes from Him. There is no possible way I could make it on my own. Even though my emotions are all over the place, I am still talking to Him all the time. I love Charles Spurgeon's words because so much of the time, I have no words. Just tears. I say over and over, "God please help" and I know he knows exactly what I am talking about. Thanks April Jo! You are a dear, dear friend!!!!
@oldfatgramma - You know exactly where I am coming from!! I would have done the same thing, I am sure. I would not want any of my grandkids in daycare! You want them to grow up being loved and nurtured. It had to be awful leaving the girls. Goodness, life is really hard sometimes.
Thanks for understanding. You guys are wonderful friends that I cherish!!!
@susanscorner - love you bunches too gal and I hope I get to give you that hug
SOON!!!!!
Just remember that the devil will try to hit you where it hurts the most, you heart and mind. Just try to dwell on good things, good memories when you start doubting. Just even simply saying to yourself the name of Jesus out loud to yourself, even in a whisper, cause when the name of Jesus is spoken, the devil will flee.
Satan will ALWAYS try to kick you when you are down.
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